Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
