I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
