my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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