I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
