You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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