20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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