He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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