Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
