woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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