I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i was born a porn star she said
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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