he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Shame is for Republicans.
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