I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
