You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
