He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
