We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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