Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
