What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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