he thought i was a dude.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
