...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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