a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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