very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
