She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
