I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
True strength comes from lack of pants
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
