All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Everclear isn't food dammit
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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