I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
