When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
