I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
