Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
