oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
They left me at home... I'm a liability
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
