So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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