that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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