The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
