my mouth tastes like poor choices
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
