I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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