No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
