I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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