They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
