I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
