She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
