Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
