This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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