I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
