She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Still dying that you shit outside
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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