tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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