I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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