i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
