it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
