i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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