He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
