no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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