after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
two words...techno handjob
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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