Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
