I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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